“…and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…” (Hebrews 12:1b-2a)

      I drove by a food bank yesterday that was sponsored by a large church in the area. I was surprised to see a long line. I didn’t go to donate food; I was checking options for next month for us. It’s been a challenging year. The LORD has been testing me intensely the past year. This morning, when I was doing my devotions, I reflected on the people in line at the food bank and prayed fervently. Then God opened my eyes.

     I had been determined to publish the book of God’s faithfulness in my life by the end of the year (God willing), and future ministry was the path that God was leading me on. But why were so many deeply difficult things happening in my life? What had I missed? I realize that, like many others, I still operate on an earthly timetable with God. I firmly believed that 2025 would be the year when God opened new doors, after seven years of silence regarding many directions. Why do I struggle with God’s timing?

Ecclesiastes 3:11 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

1 Timothy 3:14-15a 

…that you keep this commandment without spot, blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ’s appearing, which He will manifest in His own time…

     I genuinely do believe that, To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven… (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

I understand that sin in the world leads to troubling events and, at times, tragedy. I know that every household has its complex situations. However, when a series of challenging occurrences continues for over a year, leaving you struggling to cope, it is natural to question God. We all do this. 

     I am gradually learning that as we age, our bodies begin to deteriorate. Throughout each episode of physical malfunction, I have relied on God to provide me with strength as a single mother of a disabled son. I placed my trust in Him and expressed my gratitude. Indeed, God has given me the supernatural strength I need, even with my body breaking down.

 Still, God turned up the fire… unbeknownst to me why.

     It all started with surgery on my right knee, followed by a procedure on my spine to repair a fracture. I’m facing upcoming cataract surgeries and may need a procedure on my left knee as well. Additionally, I’m waiting for an endoscopy to determine the cause of my difficulty swallowing, as well as my persistent cough that occurs when I lie down at night. A specialist warned me thirty years ago that my severe GERD could lead to cancer. Furthermore, my lack of sleep exacerbates the situation due to the severe chronic pain I’ve been experiencing since January 2021. Then there are the falls—the loss of balance, the trips, and the moments when I catch myself just in time to avoid cracking my head open. Instead of using nail polish on my toes, I prefer to color-coordinate Band-Aids! A week ago, I had a fall that sent me to urgent care for X-rays of my ribs, which may still need further examination through a CT scan after my son returns to school. I understand that these procedures are minimal compared to what my friends are facing with MS, cancer, and other life-threatening diseases.

     Having a disabled child adds to the challenges we face, especially since nationwide services for families with disabilities are often lacking. The state dissolved my son’s Medicaid agency, which forced us to scramble to identify which doctors accept which insurance agencies. Additionally, the local children’s hospital and clinic, which are supposed to care for disabled children until the age of twenty-two, have been pushing teenagers out at age eighteen due to a shortage of professionals. My son is nineteen. Finding a non-pediatric doctor for a nonverbal, low-functioning child is incredibly challenging. However, we are starting to make some connections, and I believe God has been good to us during this process.

     Finally, last year, I had to hire a lawyer to gain guardianship over my son. Though he is of legal age, he is not cognitively able to make decisions for himself. This process requires me to submit yearly reports detailing everything he has done over the past year. Recently, I received an email informing guardians that we now have to attend a training class on guardianship! I served as a foster mother for fifteen years in Asia, so I feel pretty familiar with these responsibilities. It seems that the challenges never end for any of us. I know several people who care for their elderly parents, some of whom are in hospice care. The overwhelming responsibility of caring for our loved ones can bury us beneath a mountain of paperwork and requirements. We didn’t ask for this season in our lives, and I’m sure many of you didn’t either.

Are you caring for a spouse who is disabled? Do disagreements divide your family? Are you almost homeless with the high cost of living? Our landlord is old and beginning to fail in health. One of her sons just passed away a couple of weeks ago. Her lawyer told her to start selling her sixteen rental houses. 

     Katherine Wolf, who became disabled from a stroke, said, “You didn’t choose this season, but you will choose what to do with this season.” Has the tsunami of responsibilities overwhelmed you? Are your burdens weighing you down? Have you lost your strength for one more procedure… one more step? When I get overwhelmed, the Lord always leads me to my life-gratitude psalm… Psalm 40. The first two verses are how God brought David out of a horrible pit… and He also brought me out of the miry clay… more than once in my life. I remember those rescues.

Verse 3 – He has put a new song in my mouth – Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the LORD.

Verse 4 – Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust,

Verse 5 – Many. O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done; And Your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to You in order; If I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

     I know you might feel lost and broken right now… “Breaking open offers the seeds of second chances, not just to ourselves, but to all who seek new life.” (Katherine Wolf) As I prayed about the people in line at the food bank, I mainly thought about how I could encourage the women. If my book were published, it would be too overwhelming to read standing in line. Even my editor, who was supposed to edit my book in two weeks, took three. Parts of the story reminded her of things in her past, and even though she is healed, she had to step back and meditate on that healing. I have always known that after this book is published, I wanted to write a 40-day devotional of instances when I saw God’s hand in Asia. But God removed the weariness from my eyes and the slump from my shoulders… what if I could share in a brief book, promising stories of God’s faithfulness in the tough day to day stuff… might it give these women waiting in line encouragement to put one foot in front of the other, especially if they didn’t know the truth of God’s love?

What can you do with your crisis currently that might add strength to your endurance?

God took me to Psalm 84 this morning during devotions… 

“My soul longs, yes, even faints For the courts of the LORD; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. (v. 2) Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, Whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, They make it a spring; The rain also covers it with pools. (v.5-6) They go from strength to strength; Each one appears before God in Zion. (v.7)”

 Matthew Henry states: “Those are truly happy, who go forth, and go on in the exercise of religion, in the strength of the grace of Jesus Christ, from whom all our sufficiency is. The pilgrims to the heavenly city may have to pass through many a valley of weeping, and many a thirsty desert; but wells of salvation shall be opened for them, and consolations sent for their support. Those that press forward in their Christian course, shall find God add to grace to their graces. And those who grow in grace shall be perfect in glory.” 

 Ride out the storm.

Let your heart run towards God even through the deserts, the trials, and the losses.

 God is everything we need. God is enough.

Meditate on what blessings of rain you can share with others.

Just remember… keep focused on Jesus.

“We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed-always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” (2 Corinthians 4:6)

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait I say, on the LORD!” (Psalm 27:13-14)

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4,7)